Couples Therapy

Listening & Communicating

Couples therapy (sometimes called marriage or couples counseling) is similar to individual, but with several significant differences. It gives each member of the couple the chance to voice discontents, but it also focuses on learning to really listen to your spouse, partner, or boyfriend or girlfriend. Often each person is so caught up in what he or she wants or is not getting that it’s difficult to genuinely listen to the other, and true empathy or compassion for the other person’s experience tends to get lost.

We also explore how you can better communicate with each other. Poor listening and communication skills are among the most common factors underlying a troubled relationship, even if other issues seem more pressing initially.

Compromise & Change

Though a couple usually comes in with an explicit goal of improving the relationship and expresses willingness to compromise and change, it’s not unusual to discover that each half secretly hopes that the therapy will change the other half. “If he didn’t watch so much football, then I’d have no problem.” “If she didn’t spend so much money, I wouldn’t be so pissed off.” “If we just had more sex, everything would be fine.”

My role is to listen to each of you. I don’t take sides and will point out what I’m hearing equally, though when it’s your turn to hear what I observe, it may not feel that way. I can help you recognize certain chronic unhealthy patterns of relating that you’ve fallen into over the course of your relationship, to accept the other for who he or she is, isn’t, will or will not be, with the goal of nurturing the compassionate sides of yourselves and each other.

Couples seriously motivated to have a better relationship have to be willing to recognize that it’s always a two-way street: compromises will have to be made on both sides. No matter how lop-sided the situation may seem to one of you, there’s always the other side of the story.

Hard Work & No Guarantees

There are no guarantees that couples therapy will save the relationship. Sometimes a couple will come in at a point where it is beyond repair, and the outcome is the recognition that they are not going to be able to work out their differences, and separation or divorce is the best solution. Often, however, when both parties are committed to the challenge of honesty, hard work and compromise, a healthier, more satisfying and mutually supportive relationship can begin to evolve.

To learn more
Call: 212 228-2424 · Email: katherine.rabinowitz@gmail.com