Relationships

Relationships.  What a loaded word.  There are so many different kinds of “relationships” in the world, in any possible context you can think of.  Relationships between people, a mathematical relationship like an equation or ratio, a relationship between a human and the spiritual, a relationship between an object and its surroundings, and whatever else you can dream up.  What most people come to me for help with is a romantic relationship.

Couples come when they’re having problems in their marriage, living together arrangement, or dating situation.  Money and sex are at the top of the list of difficulties interfering with a successful relationship.

Individuals come when they’ve broken up with a significant other, sometimes again (they break up, get back together, break up…), or yet another promise-filled hopeful new or long-term relationship doesn’t pan out, and they wonder why.  Why does keep happening??  I thought I picked the right person this time, yet once again, my heart’s been broken.

Individuals also come because they want that special person in their life and can’t seem to find one no matter how hard they try.  Every first date is a failure – either that person was a total disaster (“we have absolutely nothing in common”), or it was amazing, but a second date never happened.  “I’ve been on Match (or other dating site) forever and no one contacts me or responds when I reach out first.”  Or, a person has exhausted all possible opportunities (or thinks that’s the case) to be set up with someone by friends, colleagues or relatives, and the feeling is that it’s just hopeless.

All of this can lead to significant depression and anxiety and the feeling that it just won’t work out no matter what.  Sometimes the unfortunate reality is that a particular relationship just isn’t meant to be, and the hard part is coming to accept it, and letting it go.

But sometimes the problems are fixable.  We just have to figure out how and why you keep getting in your own way, usually without an awareness that you’re doing so.

Therapy can help untangle these roadblocks.  In the last few years I’ve worked with several couples and individuals and helped them repair damaged relationships, and at least four people have gone on to find that person they’ve been longing for since the beginning of time, and are happily settled into it – living together, engaged, married and having children.

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